Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
