i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
