i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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