Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
