i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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