every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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