I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
