i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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