Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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