A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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