i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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