the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
