well you can't waste a boner
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
