I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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