do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
