I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
