I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
