WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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