I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
