You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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