I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
