we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
