omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
