You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize