Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
