You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
