Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We're too hungover to prance.
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