Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
