haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
