We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
