Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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