This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize