How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
