I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
