So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
