My room smells like vodka and shame
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
