I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
