I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
