Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
