my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
