I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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