you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
