Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Pants are for mortals
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
