Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
