I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
