Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
