i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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