thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
