Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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