You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
