I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
