My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When are your genitals available?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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