You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
