I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So much Jack, so little girl.
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