so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize
