We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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