it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
