Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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