Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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