her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
