Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
