God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
