AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
